A parent-and-child plan
A practical way to help children choose achievable goals, pause before reacting, build confidence, and strengthen frustration tolerance one small success at a time.
The program works best when the child helps choose the goal, the adults keep expectations clear and calm, and every review becomes a chance to learn—not a verdict about the child.
The parent and coach gently guide the conversation, but the child should have a real voice. A reasonable goal is useful, specific, safe, and challenging without being overwhelming.
Start with one behavior the child is learning—not a long list. “I will dress myself in the morning” is a better starting point than “I will get ready perfectly every day.”
Everyone should know what counts. Include the action, the time or situation, the number of prompts allowed, and how often the child will practice before the next visit.
A child may need instruction before independence is realistic. For a morning goal, practice telling time, using a timer, laying out clothes the night before, following a picture checklist, or breaking the task into smaller parts.
Practice the skill when everyone is calm. The difficult moment is usually not the best time to teach something new.
Before practice begins, explain the two possible outcomes in simple, neutral language.
At the next visit, the child chooses an approved game or activity for a set amount of Choice Time.
The child, parent, and coach use the time to review what happened, practice a better choice, and adjust the plan. The bonus activity waits for another visit.
This is encouragement, not payment for being “good.” The reward celebrates effort, follow-through, and growing independence.
The parent quietly holds up two fingers in a peace sign. This is the child’s cue to pause before moving toward a poor choice.
After a brief wait, lower one finger, then the other. Keep your face, voice, and body calm. Do not wave the signal, use it as a threat, restart the countdown repeatedly, or add a lecture.
Record what happened without labeling the child. Note whether the task was completed, how many prompts were needed, and what helped or got in the way.
Parents should not announce before the return visit that the child has definitely earned—or definitely lost—Choice Time. Avoid both discouragement and overconfidence. Say, “We will bring the whole week to your visit and review it together.”
At the next visit, invite the child to speak first. If the goal was achieved, notice the helpful choices, enjoy Choice Time, and decide whether to repeat or gently advance the goal.
If the goal was not achieved, acknowledge real progress, identify the barrier, practice a better response, and revise the plan. Keep the tone curious: the plan may have been too difficult, unclear, or missing a needed skill.
The goal should grow only after the child shows readiness. A morning routine might progress like this:
Important: raise one part of the goal at a time. Making it faster, harder, and more independent all at once can turn growth into frustration.
Keep notes brief and factual. The purpose is to spot patterns, not to create a daily argument.
| Day | Completed? | Prompts used | What helped? | What got in the way? |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Monday | Yes / Not yet | |||
| Tuesday | Yes / Not yet | |||
| Wednesday | Yes / Not yet | |||
| Thursday | Yes / Not yet | |||
| Friday | Yes / Not yet |
The Good Choice Program is for teachable behaviors within the child’s developmental ability. It should not turn experiences outside a child’s control into moral “choices.” Use professional guidance when goals involve:
Safety expectations are adult-set and are never optional or left to a child to negotiate.
“You can choose a goal, learn the skills you need, pause and think twice, and make a second choice. One poor choice is not a permanent verdict. You can learn what to do next.”
Cornwall Counseling